


Meet Me in the Aftermath

by Signsofsam



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coda, M/M, Post-Episode 3x05, all the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29488680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signsofsam/pseuds/Signsofsam
Summary: He’s got all these people who want him, just like he is, who don’t have to tell him that he was meant to save people, because they already know that that is an intrinsic part of him. This is his family. These are the people who will always love him, who he will never have to hurt himself for to get their attention.These are his safe places when he crumbles.“I-I don’t want to be alone. I-I have all these thoughts, and I know it’s late, and you were probably sleeping, and did I wake Chris? I’m so sorry if I did. But I...I don’t want to be alone.”“So come over.”“Yeah, I..are you sure? I’m sorry if I woke-”“Come over, Buck. You don’t have to be alone.”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 152





	Meet Me in the Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Coda for 3x05: Buck Begins. There may be a part two.

He and Maddie stay up late talking about Daniel.

She tells him everything she knows, everything she remembers, and Buck _aches_ , because he doesn’t know Daniel, he doesn’t have these memories, because him knowing about his brother didn't matter to his parents.

He failed in saving the one thing that mattered to them, so nothing else regarding him mattered.

And it hurts, talking to Maddie, learning about Daniel, because he thinks he would have loved having a big brother.

Because he thinks Daniel would have loved having him, too.

On top of the day he’s had, the fire, the loss of someone he doesn’t even know seeps into every crevice, every crack, sits on top of the pain of the day, the pain of realizing there’s nothing to salvage when it comes to his parents except his forgiveness so he can move on, and he’s absolutely spent. There’s a bone-deep exhaustion that’s settled in him, and he doesn’t want to be alone when it consumes him.

It’s late, but there’s only one place he wants to go.

“Buck?” Eddie murmurs, and Buck can feel his hand tighten on his phone, because he can hear the care in Eddie’s voice, the worry.

Because he knows Eddie wants him just as he is.

He’s not a replacement to Eddie, or Hen, or Bobby or Athena or Chim. He’s Maddie’s brother (not a replacement brother, not a younger brother, but her brother, the only one she’s got and the one she leans on most); he’s their friend. He’s got all these people who want him, just like he is, who don’t have to tell him that he was meant to save people, because they already know that that is an intrinsic part of him. This is his family. These are the people who will always love him, who he will never have to hurt himself for to get their attention.

These are his safe places when he crumbles.

“I-I don’t want to be alone. I-I have all these thoughts, and I know it’s late, and shit, you were probably sleeping, and did I wake Chris? I’m so sorry if I did. But I...I don’t want to be alone.”

“So come over.” 

“Yeah, I..are you sure? I’m sorry if I woke-”

“Come over, Buck. You don’t have to be alone.”

“I-okay. If you’re sure.”

“I am. I’ll unlock the door for you. Drive safe.”

He’s not sure how he makes it to Eddie’s house, but he does, parking his Jeep in its spot. When he gets out, he pauses, lost in thought about the Jeep and Maddie, about the gift she gave him, about what it cost her.

Another layer of ache.

“Buck?”

Eddie breaks Buck out of his thoughts, and he gulps as he glances back to the Jeep a final time before heading to the open front door. Eddie’s watching him with a guarded, concerned expression, but he reaches out when Buck’s close enough, pulling him into a tight hug. “I’m glad you called,” he murmurs into Buck’s ear, and for a moment, the ache dulls. His hands clutch tighter into Eddie’s t-shirt, his fingernails press deeper into Eddie’s back, and Eddie lets them. It’s intimate, and Buck’s not sure what it means (they’ve been dancing around _this_ for awhile now, and tonight is probably not the night to delve further), but he basks in it.

It’s sunlight breaking through the darkness that wants to engulf him.

Eddie leads Buck inside.

He doesn’t stop in the living room, where Buck assumed he’d spend the night.

He does stop them outside Chris’ door, opening it just enough for Buck to see Christopher. “He’ll be here in the morning, but I figured it never hurts to see him when you’re feeling down.”

Buck doesn’t answer, but Eddie knows how he feels, how much he appreciates seeing Chris. They stay there a few moments more, and then Eddie’s tugging him down the hall. He doesn’t question when Eddie leads him to the bedroom, or when Eddie hands him some sweats and a t-shirt. He climbs into the bed at Eddie’s look, and stiffens when Eddie wraps around him again. “You don’t have to do this.”

“You don’t want to be alone. We can talk about this _\--us--_ in the morning, too, if you want, but for tonight, you don’t want to be alone, and I don’t want you to be, either. I want to be here for you.”

They’re quiet for a while after that, their soft breathing the only sound in the darkness of the room, and it’s overwhelming, a moment to think when Buck doesn’t want to, and the ache inside is building and building and building until he can’t contain it any longer. “I’m a defective replacement parts factory for a brother I didn’t even get to know,” he murmurs, tensing when Eddie’s hold tightens, but then he feels Eddie relax, feels the other man’s callused thumb trail up and down his forearm, and the words tumble out, an emotional flood finally being unleashed, the long day finally catching up. “They never wanted me. They wanted to keep him alive and then they couldn’t get rid of me when that didn’t happen. I did everything-- _everything_ \--to get them to see me, and nothing was enough. Nothing was wild enough or good enough or bad enough to get them to pay attention to me. And it’s all because they didn’t care about me.”

“They’re pretty damn awful people, Buck. And you’re not some replacement, not to me, or Chris, not to those of us who really matter, your family. You sure as hell aren’t that to the people you save. You are so much more, and you know that.”

“I wonder what Daniel would think of me, if he was still alive.” 

“I think Daniel would be proud of his little brother. I think Daniel _is_ proud of you, of the person you are. He’s proud of how selfless you are, how kind and loving you are. He’s proud that he has a brother who helps build a skateboard for a kid with CP who just wants to be normal, that he has a brother who looks after his sister as well as you do. He’s proud that his niece is going to have the most amazing uncle protecting her. He has a brother that runs headlong into danger solely to help other people. He’s proud, Buck. We’re all proud of you. I’m sorry your parents couldn’t see it until now, but they’ve missed out on the best parts of you."

“I forgave them, you know? I don't really want to see them again, but forgiving them felt right to me. But all I've done since then is think about them and the ghosts of what could have been and I'm so tired of thinking right now."

“So go to sleep, Buck.” There’s the barest of kisses, pressed into his hair, and _oh_. It’s a balm on the ache that’s slowly seeping away, because he’s with someone who wants him, someone he’s safe with, someone who will be there if it gets bad during the night, if his brain can’t turn off, if he can’t stop thinking.

 _You’re not some replacement, not to me, or Chris, not to those who really matter, your family_.

His family wants him, just like he is.

They don’t expect him to be perfect.

They love him anyway.

He sleeps.

Tomorrow's a new day.

**Author's Note:**

> Well that was a rambling mess, but I hope you enjoyed! Thanks in advance for all the comments/kudos, and if you want, come follow me [here](https://signsofsam.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


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